


The Courting Of The Crick

by graviturgy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Dry Humping, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Caleb Widogast, Porn With Plot, actual porn will be in chapter 2, no spoilers for 123, this was supposed to be light hearted but the plot got away from me, vaguely canon compliant up to ep 122
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29054241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graviturgy/pseuds/graviturgy
Summary: The Nein find their way to Vermas outpost to seek Essek's help. Caleb makes up his mind to confess his feelings for Essek, but when he goes to see him, finds he has discovered one of the more interesting books in his collection.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 7
Kudos: 116





	The Courting Of The Crick

**Author's Note:**

> I'm finally posting this before episode 123 has the chance to destroy any sense of canon compliance. Hopefully I'll be able to post chapter 2 in a week or 2. Until then, enjoy the first half!

The soft amber glow of arcane light illuminated the nascent tower’s study, papers and various books strewn across the desk haphazardly. Caleb buried his face in his hands and massaged his temples, willing himself to focus on the spellwork in front of him. This was the first time he’d been left alone since he and Beau had woken up marked by the eyes of nine. No one had said it out loud, but he knew the only reason either of them was allowed any privacy tonight was because Lucien had taken that damned book with him. Lucien had seemed quietly amused at the whole affair, and they’d parted ways with the Tomb Takers with no more answers than they’d woken up with. His simple instruction to “ask them yourselves” still rang in the back of Caleb’s mind. The Nein had been given a day’s travel to themselves, using it to make a detour to Vermas outpost and hoping to catch up with the Tomb Takers in Aeor. It was almost certain they were being scryed on, but what other choice did they have?

He sighed heavily and put down his quill. Up until tonight, the Nein’s journeys in Eiselcross had been providing him a significant distraction but seeing Essek for the first time since the peace talks was forcing him to confront emotions that he’d been avoiding. It didn’t help that he was currently somewhere within the tower below. 

&&&

Their reunion with Essek had gone almost exactly as he had imagined. Jester was immediately affectionate and trusting. He had no doubt that had he not been floating; she would have sent both of them tumbling into the snow with the force of her hug. The rest of them had been a little more reserved, but after a day spent bickering, they had finally agreed that they could use any help they could get, and that meant putting all their cards on the table.

White hot shame washed through him at the thought of explaining himself to a man whom he respected, who seemed to respect him in turn. But there he was, a powerful mage coming to Essek, tail between his legs, to tell him that he had meddled in something he didn’t understand and paid a price he understood even less. He’d felt like a boy again, explaining to his father exactly how their only oil lantern had ended up in pieces on the floor.

But he’d seen no cruelty in Essek’s eyes, the snide remarks about mitigating risk never came. There seemed to be only genuine concern behind the tidal wave of questions.

The rest of their conversation was a rushed confession. Fjord keeping an eye out for scrying orbs while the others talked through everything from meeting Mollymauk to the contents of Lucien’s book. Essek’s eyes followed the mark on Beau’s hand as she gestured about, anxiety written clearly across his usually stoic features.

Shame had spoiled any satisfaction he might have felt at finally showing off the nascent tower to another arcanist, so he’d allowed Jester to attempt to lighten the mood by talking Essek’s ear off about Travellercon instead. To her credit, there was laughter around the dinner table for what felt like the first time in an age.

Essek doesn’t speak about himself until prompted and he gives only a brief explanation of a job researching evidence of Dunamis in Aeor’s ruins, mentioning how he had planned to ask them all to accompany him at one point. There was a strong pang of guilt at that, he tried not to think too deeply about how different it could have been now if they’d returned to Xhorhas from Rumblecusp.

Essek’s research had yielded nothing new. He explained again, evidently frustrated, that he couldn’t leave his post.

* * *

“I’m sorry that I cannot be of more assistance to you all, if I had more information, I would give it. I know that-” Essek sighs, collecting his thoughts, “I still have a long way to go before I can regain your trust, but you are my friends and I want to help you. I’ll keep looking. Send a message if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Essek, really.” It’s Beau who speaks first, much to Caleb’s surprise, “You’re right, I don’t trust you, but we could use all the help we can get. And yeah, you are our friend.” Essek gives her a weak smile.

It’s Jester who breaks the silence, “Cayyyyleb, you gotta give him a proper tour! Essek, come and see my room it’s the coolest!” 

Caleb feels his face flush when his eyes meet Essek’s. “Oh, of course. I’ll uh- I’ll show you the library.”

* * *

The tour he gave Essek included a little more arcane theory than what he’d bothered to tell the rest of the Nein. Settling into the comfort of talking about magic, Caleb was acutely aware of how much he’d missed studying alongside the other wizard.

&&&

And so, Caleb finds himself in his study, unable to sleep and unable to focus. This unspoken thing between he and Essek had pitched itself at the forefront of his mind and was refusing to leave. He’d felt it for perhaps longer than he’d like to admit. His original goal was just to learn some dunamancy. Sure, maybe a little light flirting with an attractive wizard could help him get there, but only as a means to an end. Then he’d actually spent time with Essek, with his long-winded explanations of theory, his arrogance that should’ve verged into irritating, but that Caleb could only ever find charming. Maybe at that point the flirting had become means to an entirely different end. He smiles to himself, remembering working on Veth’s transmogrification spell together, the energy sparking between them as they built off each other’s ideas, and the great deal of self-control it had taken not to kiss him when they finally cracked it.

Caleb wasn’t completely oblivious either, he’d seen the way Essek looked at him. The way they’d danced around each other was far from one-sided. Even earlier that night as they toured the tower there was a genuine admiration in Essek’s face that made warmth pool in Caleb’s gut.

Even after everything that happened in Nicodranas. Despite the betrayal, despite the long weeks apart; he couldn’t help but be drawn to the other wizard. And he had no idea when- hells, _if-_ they would see each other again. For months, he’d been telling himself that all of this could wait, there were much more pressing matters at hand. First it was stopping the Angel of Irons cult, attending peace talks. Now it was the Somnovem, taking down the Cerberus Assembly; he could keep coming up with excuses until the day he died if he wanted to.

Every day they survived in Eiselcross felt like some kind of miracle, and tomorrow morning, they were set to regroup with the Tomb Takers and head into the heart of Aeor. His window of opportunity to speak to Essek was closing fast. Besides, he reasoned, he simply couldn’t afford to be distracted by this going forward.

Caleb exhales deeply and stands up from the desk, his heart already hammering at his ribcage. He spends a minute pacing around the opening in the centre of the floor before willing himself to step into the space.

Drifting down toward the guest rooms, Caleb steels himself before knocking on the new door. “May I come in? I…we need to talk.” He winces at the slight tremble is his voice.

There’s no reply, but the door opens to reveal the room Caleb had tried to model off of Essek’s own towers, all dark blues and purples accented with silver. He’d outfitted the room much like the other living quarters, with a pair of comfortable armchairs by the fireplace, a few bookshelves, and a door leading into the bedchamber. Essek was reclining in one of the armchairs, book in one hand, the other finishing the incantation that had opened the door. He had removed his winter furs and outer layers, leaving only his undershirt and trousers.

“What can I do for you, Mr Widogast?”, he teased, playful smile dancing across his features. 

Caleb barely had time to feel confused at Essek’s tone before he glanced at the book and instantly recognised the cover.

Oh no, oh _Gods_ no. 

Any semblance of a plan for this conversation shattered around him.

“I- uh. I am so sorry, I-I know that’s an offensive term an-”

“Please-” Essek cut him off, “no need to apologise. That’s exactly why I picked it out, and honestly, it’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time.” he says, turning the novel over to look at the cover illustration, still smiling, “Do come in, Caleb.”

Caleb hadn’t realised he was still in the doorway, he steps forward just enough to be able to close the door behind him, “Ja, I-uh read it quite some time ago, before we even thought of actually visiting the dynasty. I’m aware that it’s not exactly accurate, nor is it very well-written.”

“To put it lightly, yes.” Essek mused. “It’s probably even worse than you realised, have a look at this.” He gestures to the page. Caleb crosses the room to perch awkwardly on the arm of Essek’s chair, nervous energy humming through him at the closeness. Essek hadn’t so much as looked at him, focused entirely on the book in his hands. Caleb let his gaze linger on his sharp profile a moment before turning his attention to the passage.

_“My love, I cannot possibly return to the dynasty now! If the court hears of what I’ve done the Shadowhand will surely have me executed! Besides, I’d rather spend the rest of my life beneath the brightest sun than have to spend just one day apart from you.” Suddenly his mouth was on hers and all her troubles left her. A single touch from this man was enough to quiet her mind and set her loins ablaze. His hands roved over her torso, coming to cup her-_

He stops reading there. Feeling the heat spreading on his face, he thinks he must be turning an impressive shade of red. Essek doesn’t seem to notice.

“I don’t have that kind of power.” Caleb assumes he’s referring to the execution and not the…other thing.

“I’d forgotten you were a character.”

“And what an honor it is.” He replies, voice dripping with sarcasm. “To be featured in the greatest novel of our time.”

As he speaks, Essek’s free hand drops from the page and comes to rest on Caleb’s knee, his breath hitching at the unexpected contact.

“You know, the store clerk told us this book had been banned by the empire, charged us a heavy premium for it.” he tries him best to say it nonchalantly, hoping not to give away the lump that has formed in his throat. “Jester bought it for me for 15 gold pieces.”

Essek turns to him at that, eyebrows raised. “You, my friend, have been thoroughly ripped off.”

Their eyes meet briefly before Caleb looks away, eyes darting around trying to look anywhere else as he attempts to get his thoughts in order. Silence hangs between them as he struggles to find something to fill it. Essek removes his hand from Caleb’s knee and clears his throat, his tone is more serious when he speaks.

“Sorry. I got distracted there. You said you wanted to talk?”

He swallows thickly. Now or never. “Right- I did say that. Um-” He’s beginning to regret not spending more time planning what he was going to say. “I wanted to talk to you because I-” he shakes his head, “It is very dangerous out here, and tomorrow we are- I don’t know when I’ll see you again so-”

He looks down at Essek again and stops breathing. Essek is looking up at him expectantly. Lit from behind by the glow of the fire, he was radiant. Shadows highlighting his sharp cheekbones and jawline, his brilliant white hair reflecting some of the orange of the flame. And Gods Caleb _wanted._ He doesn’t realise what he’s saying until it’s already out of his mouth.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?”

Essek just stares, teeth worrying at his lower lip. Caleb is about to start apologising and seeing himself out when Essek grabs his hand and pulls it to his chest. Caleb’s eyes widen at the frantic pace of Essek’s heartbeat. “Does it feel anything like this?” Caleb can only nod as Essek draws in a shaky breath.

“It would be a nightmare, politically.” he continues, not letting go of Caleb’s hand. “And you’re always off doing Gods know what. And I have a position to maintain. We couldn’t be seen together-”

“Essek-” Caleb cuts him off before he could list any more of the excuses that he’d already made to himself. They were less excuses and more like perfectly valid reasons to not pursue this. Clear evidence that they would both be better off if they kept it to study sessions and lingering touches, banished anything more back to private fantasies. He knows that’s the most logical option, has done from the beginning. But for almost as long he’s been tormented by the idea of abandoning all sense to just _try._

“You sound as if you are trying to convince yourself more than you are trying to convince me. You want this still, despite all that?” It’s not really a question, but while his mind is made up, he needs to give Essek the opportunity to make the logical choice and draw a firm boundary between them.

Essek runs a hand through his hair and then rubs at his jaw, probably running the same equations Caleb just had. “If you don’t leave now, I fear I may do something incredibly foolish.”

Blood roars in Caleb’s ears. Neither of them move.

“Kiss me again, like you did in Nicodranas.”, there’s a vulnerability in his voice that Caleb hasn’t heard since that fateful evening.

He can scarcely think over the sound of his own heart as he leans down to cup Essek’s cheek and place a gentle kiss to his forehead. Before he can pull back, Essek’s hands came to hold either side of his face, guiding him down to press their lips together. It’s a chaste kiss, feather-light, a question. One which he answers enthusiastically, humming against Essek’s lips before kissing him again. The angle is already hurting his back, but he can’t find the will to care. Instead, he dedicates himself to taking in every detail of this moment; the warmth of Essek’s hands on his face, the softness of his lips, the heavy beat of his heart where his hand was still against his chest. He tightens his grip on his shirt to tug him closer. 

They stay like that for a moment, brushing lips in a steady push and pull. He lets himself get lost in the sensation, the sheer relief of just having an answer quickly falling away to the realisation of just how badly he had been wanting.

When Essek pulls back he stays close enough to press their foreheads together, his voice is low when he speaks, “Caleb, I want this, I really do. But there’s so much at stake, and you’re-” he squeezes Caleb’s arm, just below where he was marked, “I’m worried about you.”

“There’s nothing any of us can do right now. Can’t we try to forget for a while? Allow ourselves a moment of peace?”

The reply is solemn. “I do not deserve it.”

“and neither do I.” _Maybe you and I are both damned._ His own words echo in his mind.

“Let me join you then. I’ll leave a note for my second-in-command and by the time anyone realises I’m gone it’ll be too late.” Certainty in his tone makes it clear that he’s not asking.

Caleb kisses him again; quick and casual. “Alright, we can talk to the others in the morning. For now, I’d rather we stay like this.”

They’re close enough that he feels Essek’s lips curl into a smile, “That would be preferable, yes.”

Essek kisses with renewed vigor, and soon there are insistent hands on the back of Caleb’s neck, coaxing him forward. He takes the hint and moves to straddle Essek’s lap. The new position has heat pooling in the pit of his stomach and the feeling of Essek’s tongue against his lips has him groaning into his mouth as he deepens the kiss. He tangles a hand in Essek’s once perfect hair and endeavors to take his time tasting every inch of him.

The moment they come up for air Caleb is peppering kisses along his jaw and down his neck. An experimental scrape of teeth earns him a choked moan that goes straight to his crotch. He sets to work sucking a bruise onto Essek’s neck, because Gods he needed to hear that again.

“Wait” he pulls back to meet Essek’s eyes, praying he hasn’t overstepped. “you don’t have a…fetish, do you?” He asks, gesturing to _The Courting of the Crick_ where it lay discarded beside them.

“Was? Nein! No it’s not like that at all.” He’s too caught off guard to work out if Essek is teasing him or not; but looking down at his mussed hair and kiss swollen lips, he finds he doesn’t care.

Essek breathes out a laugh. “Good, that’s good. Just making sure.” He punctuates the sentence by pulling Caleb in for another bruising kiss. 

Essek’s deft, practiced hands are exploring his back, trying to map the shape of him by touch alone. Caleb takes Essek’s bottom lip between his teeth and feels blunt fingernails digging into his shoulders. Fingertips trail down to his waist and find their way underneath his shirt. The first ghosting touch on his bare stomach tickles a little and has him sucking in a sharp breath. Essek’s self-satisfied hum vibrates through him, cocky bastard. He continues his explorations up his chest, lifting his shirt as he goes, his mouth is relentless against his and it’s overwhelming and not enough all at once. Those talented fingers find one of his nipples and Caleb’s back arches into the touch. Letting out an embarrassingly loud whine as Essek switches between pinching and rubbing soothing circles over the sensitive bud.

Mind hazy with lust and his focus increasingly drawn to how tight his trousers are becoming, he rolls his hips a little in search of some friction and Essek jolts beneath him, gasping against his mouth. So he repeats the motion with a little more force and hands are back on his hips again. It’s intoxicating, having this man who’s usually so composed guiding his movements and shamelessly bucking up into him. Essek finally gets the right angle and groans as their half-hard lengths brush each other through layers of fabric. They find a rhythm, but the friction is maddeningly light and Caleb needs _more_. Needs everything Essek is willing to give him.

Essek tries to chase after his lips when he pulls away, panting; so he takes a moment to press a sympathetic kiss to his jaw before leaning in to whisper low in his ear, “I think”, he pauses to nip at his ear lobe, “that you should take me to bed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger :))) I haven't written a fic in years but this was a lot of fun! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!! 
> 
> Find me on tumblr @widogastsweb


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